Monday, April 4, 2011
Will you go on a journey with me?
I think that you should join me anyways. Adjectives are enrapturing, really.
There might be nonsense, because who really wants to live in reality? Of all places, really... is that where we are to end up? I find it much more time-consuming to create and display, to outlet my creativity through ways that ask us to even consider how we got there in the first place. What a goal.
But please, I'm rambling. Come on this journey with me.
Yes, I'm here. Yes, you may come. I offered you, didn't I?
I find it the best to recall things that maybe I wish would have happened. Deep, hearty laughter. The kind that you wish you could keep in a bottle with you so that when things around you are so tiresome and dreary you might pull it out and not only reminisce, but experience again. That would be quite the gift. Maybe smiles as well, because sometimes I don't feel like laughing and sometimes a smile can mean something that doesn't have to do with a joke or a flighty feeling.
Smiles. Wonderful things. A smile can make you feel rather important, especially if accompanied by a hug. To know your place is valuable and honored, to have the security in order that your life might be filled with such vivd, picturesque enthusiasm and you know absolutely nothing else. That's the life.
Remember when we looked down and saw the bright green grass under our bare, cold feet? The sun was shining brightly in the sky and I think I asked if it was ok that we were barefoot. You laughed, and I wished that I could bottle your laugh and keep it for later. For now. For moments like now, and for days like today. Oh, to have that laugh again and especially to have that laugh with the right momentum and feeling behind it, where everything completely matches up together and the only thing you think inside of your brain is "right".
Oh, if these moments were real. If I could easily recant them like I am now.
Dread, why do you overtake me? Laziness, have I not yet had enough of you? I do have memories of my own, liar. Let me share them with you and also remind you that wild, fantastical fantasies are still perceived and obtainable. Watch me make them come true. Watch me dream. I dare you to make me stop.
Remember when I raced you on the pavement besides the park? I lifted my hands in victory as I realized you weren't running next to me. I happily turned around and let out a cry of victory as you laughed back and shook your head. You eventually caught up with me and encouraged me in my wild dream of victory and I felt like the world had no place for me to hide and I was champion. What triumph. What lifting of spirits. We would fantasize about vacations in the future and try to hold onto time for all that we had in order that we might control it. Foolishness. What frozen realization I have as I slowly understand that this bright memory has been hurtfully robbed from me. This must be why I don't enjoy reality quite as much as my imagination. Reality is quite real, and that can sting.
How about a memory that can be still looked upon with that smile and hearty laughter. I may exit out of my artful whimsiness as I try to accurately help you, the reader, perceive me in my memories. There are so many. I try to make them real in my head again sometimes.
Shopping with my sister and laughing until it hurts. Having the kind of conversations that you remember for days because you've exposed yourself into a world where someone can truly know you.
Capturing the moments that are meant to last longer than they do with photography.
Feeling the smooth sand underneath running shoes on the shores of Ocean Beach in San Francisco.
My father's laughter and sense of security. My mother's humor and kind heart.
My brother's absurdly accurate sense of style and opinion.
These are all good things, mind you.
My family that are not actually related to me. How I miss them so much. Moments with younger brothers where that intense laughter you wish you still had occurs on a regular basis. I want to take them with me where ever I go, across oceans and around mountains.
Can you all come with me?
There must be a happy medium. Right?
I think the happy medium is that there will be new memories to be had. Will you come with me on that adventure? I'd much enjoy having you in my future, friends. Let's make memories.