Thursday, September 30, 2010

From minutes to seconds

Time is so funny.
Waiting. Watching. Thinking.
It's too slow or too fast. It's speeding up or slowing down. Why must my life be completely ruled by something so tedious like time?
People use the expression "for the rest of my life..." a lot.
Well, I want "the rest of my life" right now.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I'm here.

There are moments in time when you stop an realize that whatever is happening is special. Maybe in a conversation with someone you don't know very well, this fact will hit you, like it hit me today or maybe on a simple stroll while you have an open heart. It's during those moments the thought comes to my mind: "Was this specific space in time planned out for me?"

Walking out of my 2 hour class this past Friday morning, I made my way to the chapel for service. Nothing out of the ordinary was happening. No fireworks, special speakers about to speak, or specific "Holy Spirit high" that I can think of.
I was literally just walking to my next period when I heard the slight and subtle rustle of leaves through the  trees by the wind. It got my attention and it seemed like the entire world and all the sound that accompanied it faded out slowly. I glanced up at that wind and saw it make it's way through a nearby tree and heard that slight, cool breeze once again. I slowly glanced away and as I did, in my heart, as still and soft as could be I heard God whisper: "I'm here"

It made me stop. It wasn't loud or obvious, bold or big. It was small, peaceful, and very quiet. I felt such comfort in those two simple words. God was concerned for me and He knew exactly what was going to reach me and what would be the most effective.
It reminded me of that verse in the Bible in I Kings, I think where God wasn't in all of the loud happenings, but the still small voice.
And so I thought, "How many of these moments have I missed before?" Because I want to have more of them on a regular basis.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

"I'll follow you into the homes of the broken..."

I'm just reminded today about such a great need that is out there. An immense, strong, desperate need that I am a part of. I want to go. I want to help. I want to travel and spread the help that I know I'm able to give. I want to be stretched and I want to give until there's nothing left because it hit me today... there's so much to do. There's such a big hole that needs to be filled. There are so many people crying out for help. The question I hear is "You have to go?" but my heart  answers: "How can I stay?"

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Lazy, Hazy, Crazy days of... September?

Today was definitely lay low. 
Walked to Wendy's with some friends. 
Went grocery shopping (wait, what?)
Watched Pride and Prejudice.  <3
and I'm now watching my roommate jumping around the room trying to burn off calories because she's on a "food high". 
Simple things are good. 

Simple things... Things like an office ... make me happy... and did I mention that I have my own office for my volunteer hours? Here I am in my office chair and window to the outside world. What you can't see? A desk complete with a phone, computer, and tissues. Oh, and a chair across from my desk in case I have to meet with anyone! :) Pretty nifty. 

Anyways, like I was saying, simple things are good. 
Sometimes, they make me smile. Sometimes I forget to notice them. 

but when I do notice them ("them" implying everything from a walk to the grocery store to a flower in bloom) I think about all of the things I probably missed. 

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

for Today

So what's the revelation for today?
I have a firm belief that every human being deserves your time, respect, love, and a simple hug or conversation. Everyone. No matter what's happening or how busy you are.
I never want to end a day and think back about how I might have helped someone here or been a shoulder to cry on over there.
I never want to not smile at someone or forget to say hello to the person who's hiding from everyone because they can't face what's inside of them. I want to look back at the end of the day and realize that I did everything humanly possible on my account to help or reach out to others.
I had a good friend who passed away in high school my senior year, and if he taught me anything by his life, it was this.
Don't let a day go by with the thoughts: "I'll talk to them later" or "This conversation will pop up on it's own eventually" or even: "They looked like they needed a hug", "I wonder how they're doing", and "I haven't spoken to them in a long time."
I never had the opportunity to say goodbye. But I have the opportunity now to make sure I say all I can and live out what I believe with no regrets, and leave no one behind.
My friend who died... many people thought he was weird for all of high school. Not everyone gave him the respect he deserved. No one saw things that I saw.
He had an enormous heart.
He was concerned for other people.
He never let me continue in my day if I looked upset without asking what was wrong or if I needed anyone to talk to.
I'm angered that many people never had the chance to see this side of him. To see the friend that he was to me. To see the friend that I still miss to this day.
I want to make sure that I am that friend to others.
Maybe it's time to pick up the phone, send that email, or smile at that stranger who's world is falling apart.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

At all

I may not
have all the right words to say
feelings to express,
hopes to give
or passions that are meant to last.
I may not.
I don't always understand
or gaze
or think
or praise.
I don't.
I'm not
who I know I could be,
know I could see,
know I could think,
know how to be me in general.
I'm not.
Sometimes I try too hard
to be something that
maybe isn't me at all.

And yet
I may be on my way to understanding
where I'm going.
I may be.
I just might perceive things in my mind for a reason
without sense.
I just might.
I am
finding my way and
choosing my paths
fighting for my dreams
and holding nothing back.
I am.
Always I try
doing what I can
to make them happy
to keep them away
and to try to remember
at all.
If I'm there.

There are two sides (and more than that)
to who I am.
There are parts of me
and sections even smaller
of who I am striving for,
who I see I can be.
There are opportunities
that present themselves
to be :
and there.
I try to take them.
There's a lot you don't know
about my inside
how my brain works
how my heart manages
how my feelings remain intact at all.
How my eyes see
how my ears hear
how my mouth speaks
what it manages to get out
at all.

But I'm striving
and growing,
and living.
I'm doing my very best
to live.
To ask.
to make sure when I look back
I see Him there with me
at all.
Because I want to see that
He never let me go.

Monday, September 6, 2010


I decided to make this blog because if you know anything about me, I sometimes communicate a lot better through the written word than through verbal communication. Also, there's probably a lot you don't know about my thoughts and actions, so this might clear a few things up. Aside from the basic blah blah blah I just moved to the other side of the country. I'm not usually going to treat this blog as a online diary however, I also hope this will be somewhat of a creative outlet and if you read along as I write out my thoughts I think you'll understand.
I love writing poetically. I love putting words together and having them come out as a clean, smooth masterpiece. The lasting effect after the tongue has finished speaking is something to marvel and ponder. I love hearing and reading something beautifully put together and then thinking about it long after I've put it away and I strive to write pieces to that effect myself.
I love writing in general, and since this is my blog, I will have the opportunity to write in reference to what I'm passionate about and where my heart is. You might not be used to this side of me, so I hope you're prepared :)