Tuesday, October 19, 2010

A 6:45 am wake up call

My alarm went off this morning at an early 6:45 AM, and I sleepily turned it off. Pushing off the shock of the sudden sound piercing the silence of my room, I laid back down only for a different alarm to ring again five minutes later (sometimes I'm too smart for myself!). This time I was wide awake. I jumped out of bed an overwhelming situation that I've been dealing with hit me head on. Everyone has problems. Everyone goes through hard times.
It was one of those moments where every single negative thing you've been pushing off for so long seem to suddenly overpower  you. It's like all the hard things decide to mock you in the face, saying: "You've been pushing me off for far too long! So it's my turn to pick the time to get to you!"
It was unexpected, to say the least.
I was so sad and very, very angry.
It was in the still moment that I realized I didn't want to deal with any of this anymore, and where my anger and sadness led to one of the best decisions of my day, possibly my week. It was in that moment of making a choice about my day that I decided I was tired of dealing with everything and this morning I was not going to become bitter about my situation! I decided I was going to run into God's presence wholeheartedly. I put on my clothes in a matter of 5 minutes (my family applauds, I know), grabbed my work for the day, and fled out the door by 6:55 AM. 
I began speaking to God once I was outside, saying: "If YOU can't help me with this, then I'm done. There's no where else I have to be right now to be. I only have to be with You." There was a hunger inside of me, and a reality hit me that being with God was the only thing that would help me.
And it is. Because I NEED God.
I ended up in the prayer chapel where another student was blasting worship music, which was perfectly fine with me. I began to cry out to God and that's where it hit me.
I've been so involved in my pain and hard situation, that it's become the "bigness" in my life. It had become the larger thing to overwhelm me more than anything else and I felt God tugging at my heart.
I prayed this prayer: Reverse the roles! Help me see that YOU are bigger than the pain, NOT the pain is bigger than You. Help me see reality.

Because God is bigger than my pain, doubt, fear, and troubles. Why? Because He's bigger than ME. God is bigger.
Than anything at all.
He's bigger and He alone should have the power to overwhelm me.
And that's my prayer from now on, all from my 6:45 AM wake up call.

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