Sunday, October 3, 2010

Thoughts from a complete human prone to messing up

I'll be the first to admit that I mess up, messed up, and will continue to mess up. 
I won't pretend to be perfect or have this perception of myself that everyone else has of me just because of my background or by the way I hold myself together. 
I mess up and I know. 
I just think my messing up has taught me a couple of things, and it's also something that I need when I mess up. 
A person who's messed up appreciates nothing more than an open ear (if a friend, even better) to listen. An ear that won't reprimand, judge, or accuse. An ear that will listen clearly, thoughtfully, and honestly. An ear that will take the venting, the miscommunication, the hurt, the anger, and the regret. 
Just an ear willing to listen, and at the end of the listening, not react with anger or accusations, but love. An ear that understands that the one who's messed up is human (not like that is an excuse, but a factor in their thoughts and actions), and humans mess up. 
Human. I never really think of myself like that, but it's true. 
I'm so human. 
A messed up person (someone who has made mistakes) wants to know their value, because they feel their self-worth goes down. 
A messed up person (someone who has made mistakes) doesn't want pity, but quality time. 
A messed up person (someone who has made mistakes) wants to still feel accepted. Doesn't want to be judged based on their reactions or thought processes... doesn't want to feel like they are a specimen of discussion or speculation...
Just a listening ear. Not forced, or hardened. Open. 

"When I got tired of running from You, 
I stopped right there to catch my breath, 
There Your words they caught my ear, You said: 'I miss you, son. Come home'
And my sins they watched me leave, and in my heart I so believe
The love You felt for me was mine, The love I'd wished for all this time
And when the doors were closed, I heard no I-told-you-so's
I said the words I knew You knew: Oh God, Oh God I needed You. 
God all this time I needed You, I needed You"
-Relient K

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