Wednesday, May 9, 2012

There's greater in my destiny then what's been in my history.

I am now typing to you as a senior in college. 
ME. A senior. In college. (Excuse my asthma)
If you're surprised, well, so am I. 
I've pushed so hard all of my college career in order to graduate with the class of 2013. With all the transferring I did, it was inevitable that I was going to lose credits. To make up, I pushed myself to take 19, 20, 21 credit semesters. This past semester was the first semester in over a year where I took the normal 16 credit load. Needless to say, I wish every semester could be like this one. I felt like I could breathe. With all that work in mind, I can say to you that I will be graduating in a year from now. 
May 2013. 

It's weird. It's different. It means a season of my life is about to end, and I'm not entirely sure what to do with that. It means I need to make life choices soon, and that can be intimidating. 
I want to DO something with my life. I have all this passion and hope to blaze a trail, but I never realized that blazing a trail is hard work. Sometimes I want to doubt the dreams that God has placed in my heart, but I need to realize that He wouldn't have placed those dreams there if He didn't intend for them to come to pass. 
These dreams are huge, and I'm so small. I'm a little crouton in a big crouton world (I hope someone gets that reference). But God gave them to me. He handed me a piece of His heart a few years ago, and I can feel it beating inside my soul sometimes. When I stop and think about this moment: all the loss, the pain and fear, the hunger, hopelessness, and helpless eyes that are looking for some sort of reconciliation, my heart becomes so passionate that I can't believe that God would actually allow me to take part in something that I feel so strongly about. Then I realize that the passion that I feel about my call is only a fraction of what He feels about it. He gave me part of His heart, His vision, His plans. He lets me feel only the smallest bit of what His heart contains at all times. 

I don't deserve it. Not at all. I am the one that should be sent away, or cast off. 
I'm so grateful for my call. Beyond-words humbled by His will and choices. 
He still wants to use me, guys. 

This college senior is going back to San Francisco this summer to work as camp coordinator for summer events at her church. 
I get to do this. 
I get to live out some portion of something I'm extremely passionate about, and not only live it out but plan it myself. I get the opportunity to partner with amazing people that I consider my family, who have stuck it out and spoken to me by their actions that the greatest sign of commitment to God is commitment and consistency in His church. 
I keep thinking to myself, I get to do this! 

With all that in mind, I want to say that at the end of this school year, I couldn't be more grateful for the friend support system that I have now. Seriously. It's something that I can't believe He would give to me. I look at my friends and I thank God, because I'm so lucky. I get to be friends with these amazing people. I have the opportunity to join with others and be myself. It's amazing. 

Summer 2012, here I come. 

No comments:

Post a Comment